I haven’t cast a candle spell since Mikey died.
I cast one today.
It wasn’t for Mikey, though.
I don’t cast them all that often. I don’t want to make myself sound any more practiced than I am. For one thing, it’s difficult be in the right frame of mind unless I am absolutely alone. I want to feel collected, so I can reflect on my wish and make sure I am not only being selfish. I’ll be honest - I don’t know if what I do has any higher spiritual value, or if I’m affecting karma in any way, but I figure as long as I am going to try candle burning I might as well approach the whole thing with some amount of respect. And it certainly can’t hurt if I’ve satisfied myself that my intentions are for good. After all, what one is trying to do is to influence the way the world works; I don’t care if you believe in fate or destiny or spirits or not, you should at least recognize that you have some responsibility to behave with everyone’s best interest in mind. So I like to be alone – at least for the beginning and the end. Then I can feel connected to - whatever it is I’m trying to connect with. I don’t really believe in a particular flavor of God. I do believe that, somehow, you get back what you give out. So when it comes time to wish for something, I want to spend a moment or two trying to be the best, most complete, most conscious person I can. And I’m at my best – when I am alone.
In order to burn a candle for Mikey, then, that innermost me would need to say a final goodbye. And she’s not ready to yet. Someday she will be. Probably.
What was this candle for? If you know me, you know. It was a strong wish. It has to do with Will, for lack of a better word. But the ‘Will’ that, to me, reflects what one is supposed to be – not just what one wants. I want to feel as though I am involved in - well, it is very difficult to explain. I am pretty sure every single one of us has One Unique Reason for being here. And we should make it our duty to ourselves to try and honor that reason. If for nothing else then – because life is short. So short it’s scary. So, for me: stop waiting. And - begin.
On my candle (the word I wrote in oil) is in both the first and second sentences of this entry. Like I said, if you know me, you can figure it out. And if you know me, and you have figured it out, please – pause a moment, relax, exhale – and on the inhale wish me Luck.
So mote it be.